Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in chaku's LiveJournal:

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Friday, March 4th, 2011
10:43 am	Regretting my Decision? Maybe a little... Shaddy was freaking out, Chessy was freaking out, we were all freaking out... (although it seemed to be hitting Shaddy the hardest and Nolly and myself the least) Our collected depression had hit an all time low. Then, Wednesday, Shaddy said the hell with it. He didn't go to work and he got hold of a gun and scared us all pretty bad. Since I was still in a better state of mind, I had to be the one to make the call and save our job and life from falling apart. I never thought I would ever go back to it, but I called our old doctor and had him put us on medication. I hate being medicated, but when my own alters start trying to kill me I think I need it. I also had to go to work and be frank with my boss, telling him I tried to kill myself. Thankfully he's a cool guy. He understands and is letting me have what time I need to adjust to this new medication. But I feel all weird! I hate medication and this is why. I'm having anxiety attacks, I can't keep focused, and my whole body feels like it's a string puppet. It doesn't feel natural, like it's my 'own' body. But on the up side, no one has been thinking about killing themselves the last two days. So maybe after my body gets adjusted to this stuff it will be a good thing. But anyways... That's why no one had heard from us in the last week. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2011
9:31 pm	Nasty Custard Today I found a carton of boiled custard left in the fridge since Christmas. That was a smell I never want to smell again. But the good news is, it was still in there because I didn't ever drink it. If I had it would have gone right to places I would prefer not to add any more pounds to. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011
11:08 am	Good morning LJ I'm trying to get back in the habit of posting regularly and turning on my messenger when ever I'm on the computer. I don't want to sound like a loser and say that I only have friends online. Because that's not true. I have some friends here in town. It's just that the only friends I really care about are the ones online. (If you knew my offline friends you would understand) And I miss having interactions with them on a regular basis. So this is me coming back to being a regular internet user. It's 10:59 AM as I look at the clock right now. I just got out of bed half an hour ago and I'm drinking a can of Samba energy juice to wake up. I seem to be the only one up at the moment and I have to wonder who was up so late last night and why for me to sleep in so late and still be this tired... If anyone is wondering about Samba energy juice, I would recommend finding a different brand. It was in the fridge so it's nice and cold, but it only tasted good for the first half of the can. Once I got half way through drinking it, it started to taste like crap. I've never had any energy drink, energy juice, energy tea, or energy coffee do that before. And having DID I need energy supplements to survive so I've had quite a few. Current Mood: sleepy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 2nd, 2011
5:29 pm	Epic Mickey! Squee! I have been playing Epic Mickey every chance I get since I got the game for Christmas and I must say that I love the game. I haven't seen a video game this good in I don't know how long. This is how video games should be. The game play is both fun and challenging while not being so hard that I get so frustrated I toss my Wii against the TV screen (because then I'd have to buy a new Wii and a new TV). The story is compelling yet not confusing. The graphics are good. My only complaint is that after the opening cut scene we trade voice acting subtitles. Subtitles that while during the cut scenes go a bit faster then my reading speed. (I'm a slightly slow reader...) The animation in the cut scenes (which after the opening scene is traded out from CGI to cute cell animation befitting Mickey Mouse) is really great looking so I want to watch it but I cant watch and read at the same time. But all of the cut scenes are cataloged in the extras section after you reach them in the game so I can exit out and watch them again to make sure I got everything, so it's not too bad. And any of you out there who are saying I don't care how great you think this game is, "I'm not playing something about Mickey Mouse," need to just get over yourselves. This game finally returns Mickey to the proper scoundrel he was back in the 1930s. Or at least gives you the option to if you want... I found it very satisfying to have Mickey go into It's A Small World and destroy the Eiffel Tower just so he could use it as a bridge. That sounds like something the Mickey Mouse I fell in love with would have done. "Fuck you France! I got to get across this river!" And Oswald The Lucky Rabbit is so bad ass. I just know he's going to betray me in the end. Cute little bastard... And on a final note just let me say that ever since I started playing this game I've been dreaming about paint and thinner every night. LOL (Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2010
2:34 pm	I'm so stoked! Epic Mickey comes out tomorrow! I can't run out and buy it because Shaddy said he'll get it for me for Christmas, but who says I can't rent it until then? >=P (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 13th, 2010
1:12 pm	Kroger sucks... Oh this sucks. Money is tight and my company is going and doing just what I always accuse them of doing. Being idiots... It's the holidays now. Business is picking up big time. So what do we do? Cut hours... I'm getting 20 hours this week. I've been there for over 3 years and you cut me down to 20 hours? How can I live on that? I need a new job. I need one bad. If any of you have a Kroger where you live do me a favor and shop somewhere else. I hate this company now. Go to Wal-Mart or Albertsons or Food Lion or anything... That's what I'm doing now. I work there but I won't shop there any more. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 25th, 2010
12:59 pm	Dexter, you murderer! Finally finished watching the first season of Dexter. I don't know why it took me so long to pick this show up... I was very happy that I was right about the Ice Truck Killer. =) Sadly though, Dexter killed one other thing he didn't intend to. My TV... The sound blew out during me little Dexter marathon and I had to finish watching it on my computer. Now I'll have to use the money from my next pay check to get a new TV. That's an expense I wasn't planning on and really can't afford right now. =( (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 18th, 2010
9:15 pm	Con Nooga is coming up! It's only 5 months and some odd weeks away so it's time to start making plans. I would love to invite any of my friends who are interested to come, but it's in Chattanooga, Tennessee and I don't think any of you are that close. Although I do know some of you go to MFM... Con Nooga http://www.connooga.com/ is a multi-fandome convention held at the Historical Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel and Convention Center every year and so far is the best con I have been to. The convention area is so large that they have a shuttle to take you from one end to the other. It's no Dragon Con but it's still big enough that you don't have to deal with crowds. Although dragon con DOES have crowds so I don't know why I'm using it as a comparison... Last year I did everything from attend a panel on fursuit construction, go to a dance, saw live bands, saw the cosplay competition (I have never been able to get into the one at MTAC), met Lloyd Kaufman, and was even invited to a few room parties... one of which was hosted by Cosplay Deviants (the pay sight). I never thought I'd ever get to see Supergirl on the stripper pole, but now I have... That's only a few of the things I did and I spent most of the con just walking around talking to people. There was so much going on I COULDN'T do it all. And the best parts... no lines! I didn't have to stand in a single line the whole time I was there. But anyways... I just thought I would let everyone know I was going just on the off chance anyone wanted to check it out. If anyone DOES want to go, and they're brave enough... I'd even be willing to split the cost of a room with someone. But only if you can handle sharing a room with me and my alters. Just thought I'd toss that out there if anyone WAS interested. But anyway, even if no one can make it I'll still be going. So I'll keep ya' posted. Current Mood: energetic (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 28th, 2010
1:32 pm	Catwoman Update I just want to say that my new Catwoman colocter figures look great standing up on either side of my Catwoman #1. I'm so happy with it that I've started turning the little display into a Catwoman shrine. I'll put up a picture as soon as I figure out what I did with the digital camera. Oh and it wasn't a Catwoman/Batgirl two pack like I said in the past post about it. It was a Catwoman/Catwoman two pack, having her first costume and her newest one. And Naturally neither of which are the costume she has on in the cover of the comic book they are displayed next to. So I'll have to track down another figure with that costume to add to my shrine. Current Mood: chipper (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
1:04 pm	A strange thought just came to me... I just read the last two posts tabbiewolf made in her LJ and felt the need to respond and wish her luck. But the thought came to me that she will probably look at my reply and say (if she looks at it that is) who is this person? I've followed her LJ and been a fan of her art for a very long time. Back when I was in college I would even sneak into my computer classes and set some of her art as the desktop for all of the computers just to screw with the professor. But I don't think I have ever spoken to her. Not once... So I just realized... I'm a stalker! I have been stalking tabbiewolf all this time. Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
12:30 pm	Let's Piss Off Chaku Ep. #2: Windows Vista I'm so mad right now I could eat glass! Windows found a problem that could not be repaired automatically. That's the message I get when I try to figure out why I can no longer connect to the internet on my personal computer. (I'm having to use the public house computer, which just isn't working for me) I tried a system restore, it didn't work. I found some other instructions on how to "possibly" fix it, but I don't understand how to do anything they are telling me to do. Yes, I know I shouldn't have even bought something loaded with windows vista, but it was the only computer I could afford at the time. This makes me really mad. I had just started putting money aside to start taking online classes and finally finish up my college education so I can get my degree... but if I can't fix this thing on my own I'll have to use that money buy a new computer that WILL connect to the internet. Can't really take online classes without that... But then I won't have the cash to start taking the classes when the spring semester starts. I just don't make enough at my crummy job. So either way I'm yiffed. If I can't get the computer I already have fixed then I can't start taking those classes come the spring. I don't know what to do... Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
9:28 pm	Let's Piss Off Chaku Ep. #1: Dr Who Vs. Catwoman And now for tonight's episode of let's piss off Chaku... Why is it so hard to find a good place to watch Dr Who online? I mean really? You can watch every other tv show known to man online. Even Lost... So why can't I find Dr Who online? Do the brits have something against letting us watch tv online? Well maybe if the show came on at a regular time I'd watch it on the damned telly... Or is this because they want me to buy the DVDs? Well I looked into that and they are far too high priced for my pocket book. between $50.00 to $60.00 for one season? $30.00 to $40.00 for a DVD set that only has three stories on it? What's wrong with these limy bastards?! And it's not just the DVDs that are over priced either. Have you seen the action figures? I was at Hastings and they had a figure of the 11th Doctor that I just had to have. The 11th Doctor is just so dreamy... But it was $37.99! For a damned action figure! Okay so it was a two pack that had both of his outfits from the first episode of season five... But I can go to Wal-Mart and get a Batman figure two pack for $12.00... So what's up with these Dr Who figures? It's not like they look any better then your average Batman figure. These brits are too damned greedy! I don't care if it is the longest running and most successful Sci-Fi show in the world. You can't go putting price tags like that on the products! You will turn new and upcoming fans like myself away. Do you know what I'm going to do with my next paycheck? I'm not going to get that dreamy 11th Doctor figure pack... even though I really want it. No. I'm going to get a really cool looking Catwoman and Batgirl figure pack I saw that cost much less. The Catwoman figure will look great displayed beside my autographed copy of Catwoman #1. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
7:41 am	News update Okay, good news is we haven't lost our job yet. Shaddy is training to be the back up scan coordinator which gets him off of the front end and away from a lot of the crap he was getting sick of. That's good. What's not good is the fact that this new stuff is just not clicking. He doesn't know what he's doing and once again he has let the person in charge of said department talk him into taking on the position only a few weeks before going on vacation and leaving him in charge. Now I'm seeing a very different side of Shaddy. The Shaddy who goes along with everything while slowly building up to a nervous break down then realizes too late that he can't do what's expected of him. I know what's coming because this has happened once before when he worked at Family Dollar. It's a long story so I won't get into it, but when that week was over we were out of a job. So here we go again... I just don't know what to do any more. If he doesn't know what he's doing by the end of the week I may just have to step up myself and tell the woman that he can't do it. I would rather ruin her vacation then watch the whole store fall apart and get fired for it. (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 19th, 2010
12:24 am	Take this as you will I hope to keep this short because I have work in the morning. I'm not even checking spelling and god knows I can't spell. Things are not going well here. Putting the squabbling my alters and I have been doing with each other aside, we are having some real problems. First of all let me point out for anyone reading this who doesn't know (although I think I frightened anyone like that off a long time ago) that I have multiple personalities, DID, whatever you want to call it. You know that... Well here's what's up right now. Shaddy has been the one holding down the job. We figured it was best for just one of us to work the job so there weren't any weird questions to deal with. But now Kroger is common ground for Shaddy, so much so that if one of us try to go in his stead we don't last long before just being there causes a change-over and Shaddy in back in controle. Shaddy's nerves are shot. As if the fact that he already hated his job and one manager tares him down in everything he does to the point where his will is broken and the other one is trying her best to get him fired isn't enough... Now they have put bells at all of the check stands with a little sign that reads "If I gave you great service ring my bell." When someone rings the bell everyone on the front is required to cheer and clap their hands or shake the little plastic hand clappers that were given out. They all do it as loudly and as obnoxiously as they can and it botheres Shaddy to no end. It has become a very noisy, very stressful place to work. He comes home every night with bad headaches and he's started cringing and/or twitching every time he hears a bell. His nerves are just shot... To make it all worse, they have been working him 8 to 10 days in a row with only a single day off between and making him work all the shifts he hates. They are even going to have him standing out at the new fuel center that opens up next week, in the 100+ degree heat, in full uniform, with no shade, for 7 1/2 hours just to show people how to scan their card at the pump. They didn't ask him if he wanted to do it. They just told him he was going to. Shaddy doesn't know if he will make it the whole day out there, if he even makes it through the week to that day. Really, I'll be amazed if Shaddy doesn't snap and get himself fired before next Thursday. Then their's Hyde. I'm sure most of you don't know Hyde. He's another of our alters. He's also bad news and quite frankly scares me. Let me put it this way. He didn't give himself his name. He's really the Mr. Hyde to Shaddy's or my own Dr. Jekyll. Even since Shaddy has started twitching he's been talking to Hyde a lot. The two just had it out a little while ago, walking around the room in circles, yelling and screaming at each other like a true mad man (when you consider the fact that we are all the same person in one way or another). Hyde's point is this. Shaddy needs a new job where he doesn't want to kill himself or everyone else around him. But this job is working him to death (which is great for our bills) and he doesn't have the time or energy left over to hunt for a new job. So he should quit and then he would have lots of time and energy to look for a new job. But he can't quit or we lose the house sitting deal with the parents. In other words, got to quit to find a new job. Can't quit until we have a new job. Mexican standoff... So Hyde is suggesting a loophole. Get fired. That way it's out of our controle and the parents will understand. This on top of everything that's going on at work... I'm really worried that we will not have a job next week. Shaddy's a mess and he's letting the job... and Hyde... get to him. And with as bad as things are around here there aren't any jobs left to replace this one. Places are closing down left and right, not hiring! There are no jobs! I don't know what to do. I'm just at a loss. Maybe Nolly, Chessy, and myself should just go huddle in a corner somewhere and let Shaddy and Hyde fuck our life down the toilet... Current Mood: depressed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 19th, 2010
2:08 pm	Look, I'm just not happy any more... *Waves hi to all the people she hasn't seen since March then sits down as if it hadn't been more then a day* I'm really depressed at the moment. As much as I don't think I would be able to function without it, having DID really kind of sucks, ya know? No. You don't know. You don't know what it's like when you have to share your body with a number of other 'alters' because you don't do it. You don't know what it's like when some of your 'alters' are quite gender confused and some aren't, so even if you want to dress or act one way you can't because of the others and because of the life they have worked hard to establish despite their condition. Yes, I'm one of the gender confused ones. Yes, I'll admit it. Yes, I want to dress and behave like the girl I see myself as. No, I can't because one of my not-so-gender confused 'alters' has already establishd a seemingly normal life for himself... A life I'm constantly threatening to destroy. Want to know the reason you don't see me... or any of my other selves post all that much any more? The REAL reason...? It's because despite the fact you don't see any of us talk about it, things are NOT okay here. I put up a good face, Shaddy puts up a good face, Nolly puts up a good face... But we are not all one big happy family. The rest of them can keep pretending if they like, but I'm sick of it. I'm not happy. I haven't been for some time. Current Mood: depressed (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 4th, 2010
10:21 am	No more yummy good stuff for me. So I have an announcement to make. I'm going vegetarian. Yes, you heard me right. I just think it's time for a change in my diet. I'm not healthy at all. Plus I don't like the way most of the animals we eat are killed. It will be hard for me because I love meat, but I'm going to do it. Not to mention that from the prospect of my fursona it's a bit unnatural, spotted skunks being the most carnivorous of all skunks... *Shrugs* Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010
2:29 pm	Umm... Remember me? I can't believe I haven't posted anything since november. Well now that I've gotten my head out of my ass let me just say... Hi! *Waves and runs away* Current Mood: embarrassed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
10:38 am	Switching Conventions For the last three years running I have been going to MTAC (Middle Tennessee Anime Convention). And I love going to cons, but each year my experience has gotten worse and worse. MTAC may have been a good con at one time, but it has really turned into a kids convention. There are some older fans there, but people like me, who are only a few years away from pushing 30, are a bit out of place there. It's the con that parents drop their kids off at and just leave. You have a bunch of immature kids running around screaming for three days. The staff has been turned into a babysitting squad, which in turn has turned them all into a bunch of jerks, and resulted in the enforcement of more stupid rules then I can count. (People who have come from other cons told me they have never heard of such nonsense as some of the crap the staff pulls at MTAC) And it's hard to find anyone who's been watching anime or playing RPGs since before the American release of Naruto. It's sad when you do cosplays like Outlaw Star and Chrono Cross and no one knows what you are... And I won't even go into the problem of thieves and bootlegers at this con. What it comes down to is that I'm sick of MTAC. I've caught unsuccessful pickpockets by the wrist for the last time, been treated like crap by the staff for the last time, and been ripped off by that ass who runs the thing for the last time. I'm not going back to MTAC. Besides for a cosplayer there's really no point. It's just the same people coming back year after year in the same costumes from the year before. Most of which are either Naruto, Kingdom Hearts, or Death Note... which I couldn't care less about. This year I'm going to try a multi-fandom convention called Con Nooga. If this one isn't much better then I don't know what I'm going to do. But I'm hoping to make this one my new convention home, since being a multi-fandom convention I can go in fursuit... once I get it made that is... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
3:43 pm	Dissociative Identity Disorder Poll #1380873 Should I seek help? Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5 I think everyone who reads this thing knows I have DID. If you don't then let me say it. I have DID. (Google it) But here's what I want to know. Should I get help? Or just let it be and have fun living with multiple personalities? View Answers Get help you sick freak! 0 (0.0%) I guess you could get help if you want... 2 (40.0%) I don't really care either way. 0 (0.0%) You could but I don't really think you need to. 1 (20.0%) No! I like you just the way you are! 2 (40.0%) Current Mood: curious (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
1:16 pm	My feelings are hurt now... Stupid Skibo... I haven't seen him since the start of the school year, he never calls, and here he is back from Memphis all month and hasn't spent any time with me at all! I get up and come over early to see him today since it's the last day I will be able to see him before he leaves and then I won't see him again until MTAC, but he wouldn't do anything with me. All he wanted to do was sit around playing video games until his stupid unofficial gay lover came over and then once he did get here all he wanted to do was sit around and play video games with him. I may as well not even exists. Forget the fact that we are family. Forget the fact that we have always been really close. Forget the fact the fact that he's the only person who's comfortable with me being myself around. It's been nothing but an Ingleburger marathon non-stop 24/7 since Skibo got here. He can spend all day going, "Burger, what do you want to do?" *Slaps Burger's foot* But he can't even make a little time for his own family? And the worst part is that after having to fight Ingleburger for Skibo's attention all month I'm only now realizing that Skibo couldn't care less about spending any time with or even seeing me. Fuck it. He's dead to me now. He can go and pretend to be gay with his stupid friend all he wants. I'm just going to go sit in the corner over here and cry since I now officially have no one but Net-friends and my alters... Current Mood: crushed (3 Comments |Comment on this)